(I did not see a place within the “applications” section that actually had applications. Hope this will be an alright place to put this.)
*A note is penned and left on a table within a suspected “Brotherhood” hang out. Part of the manuscript is penned in an eloquent and meticulous fashion, yet other parts seem hastily scrawled and nearly illegible.*
Ladies and Gentlemen of The Brotherhood,
I am known as Captain Alaric Osprey, and I have been hearing the tales of your fine group. Naturally, my curiosity has gotten the best of me, and after a bit of digging I’ve stumbled upon this place from which I gather is a local hang out for the group. I’ve stumbled over the various manuscripts here in the great room, but as of yet I have not found an actual application form per say.
Bah! Be hurrying with this damnable note, and let’s be off to find a suitable wench! Just yonder is a Celtic lass with the eyes of an angel and the arse of Babylonian legend!
A bit about myself:
Oh crap, here we go…
I am currently a Captain by trade, but I am a theologian at heart. I have broken from the binding ties of Britain out of a persistent and nagging yearning for freedom. Freedom from the taxes of the tarnished crowns passed by our so called earthly rulers, freedom from the papacy of Rome and the Church of England, and freedom from the yoke of a caste system brought about by the nobles and for the benefit of nobles. Therefore, I bear the title of pirate and outcast with genuine pride.
Title my eye! Ye’ve the brand of a criminal, and the smell of a drunkard! Belay this journey into the eloquent, and let’s dance on the tables of Tortuga skyclad as the day we were born! Ye know as well as I that ye earned that brand because ye were caught buggering the Magistrate’s wife near Louisiana. Skip the piety, and lets be off!
Though I am currently sailing the seas as a way of casting stumbling blocks against the various earthly crowns, I know that one man or woman can only make a lasting mark in this realm with either the aid of God, or the aid of like minded men and women. I’ve decided to enlist the aid of both. Thus, I have come seeking admittance into your Brotherhood hoping and praying that as you minister to my needs of fellowship, I can help minister to the needs of your eternal soul.
Brotherhood? Pfft! Sounds like a bundle of sticks all poking at the same pail! What we should do is join a Sisterhood! Hell’s Bells and Oxen Tails man! Lets dress as nuns and peek at the virgins!
As a peace offering, I brought along my own brand of “holy water.” I shall leave it here for the enjoyment, and edification of The Brotherhood at large. Take a deep pull of the offering, with the hope that it shall bring the experience of fellowship, peace, and camaraderie that is needed in these times of troubles.
Now yer talking Captain Sissy pants! Get em drunk, let yer hair down, and let’s cull out some of those Fench women we saw back in port. I hear they are much like fine pastries. All prim and proper on the outside, warm and gooey on the inside! Yar, Yoho, and whatnot, be done with this letter and let’s be about the business of wenching!
May the Lord protect you from above,
May the Lord protect us from below! Or even from behind! Especially from behind!
Captain Alaric Osprey
Captain Alaric Osprey
*An entire case of Jamaican Rum, still carefully packed in its shipping crates, is left with a bill of lading marking that the shipment was bound for Britain. The wording of the original bill is marked out, and rewritten to say, “For the Brotherhood.” Below, in hurriedly scrawled script reads, “For the lasses...and their sisters!” Further down below is written, “and for their mothers! Don’s forget the mothers!”
Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:32 pm
